THE UGLY GIRL'S GUIDE TO ... DA CLUB

ugly girls club kanye

This is my jam. What I have been waiting for. A chance to throw down my partially rehearsed dance routine. Striking the balance between a professional dancer and a spontaneous party goer when really, I am neither. It’s the final result of many a private mirror performance, carseat karaoke and possibly even real karaoke practice.

Much like everything else in my life, I haven’t thought this through. Well not consciously. Maybe I didn’t want to. Maybe I didn’t want to surrender yet another guilty pleasure to the patriarchy. I mean, is it possible that backing my ass up or dropping said ass like it’s hot, could somehow empower me as a woman? Or is this one of the most obvious examples of female disempowerment, like, ever? Am I a fool for shaking it like a polaroid picture or am I merely an O.G?

I’m small and blonde and white and blue eyed and female and something tells me these are not traditional traits of an original gangster. Lord knows I’ve sinned and partook in misinformed cultural appropriation in the past, so I’m sticking to my original form for now. However I simply can’t help throwing my (tiny, flat) booty in the air and mumbling passed racial slurs when Biggie or Kanye is on. And you don’t even wanna know what I do to Drake. But what to do when the premise of the song is so evidently derogatory towards women? I’m literally asking you, because I have no idea.

Thanks to Roxane Gay, we all now know that it’s okay to be a bad feminist. But is it also okay to be a so-called “bad bitch”? Defined as “a strong, sexualised, self-reliant and materialistic woman” by WIKIPEDIA (!?).

To answer my own question, but also to remain unaccountable for the rise of the patriarchy, let me just say that dancing is not a crime. This was confirmed to me by the 1998 Footloose musical soundtrack. The way you move your body to a beat is not a political statement.

So go ahead, shake ya ass, but please be sure to watch ya self.